This post might not be suitable for everyone. Reader discretion is advised.
I eat toast. When I'm happy, I eat toast. When I'm sad, I eat toast. I eat toast for breakfast. I eat toast for lunch. I eat toast for dinner. Toast is part of my everyday life. I can't remember the last time where I didn't have a day without toast. I eat toast when I'm angry. I eat toast when I'm depressed. I eat toast at random times. I eat toast almost all the time. I eat toast even when I don't want to. I eat toast when I wake up. I eat toast before sleeping. When my head becomes empty, I eat toast. When I'm thinking a lot, I eat toast. Toast plagues my mind almost every day. When I'm self-loathing, I eat toast. When I recall bad memories, I eat toast. When I see my reflection, I eat toast. When I see myself, I eat toast. Sometimes I eat too much toast and it all becomes overwhelming. I lie in bed, looking up with a blank stare waiting for the toast to disappear. If it doesn't disappear, I'll go to sleep knowing that the toast will still be there. I stop others from eating toast. It's very hypocritical of me. No one should have to eat toast yet a lot of people still do. I've helped other people eat toast less but I can't even help myself. I want to ask others to help stop me from eating too much of the toast but the words never come out. How cowardly. My dad once asked me if I eat toast. I told him I did, hoping for anything. Nothing much happened after. He soon got me someone I can share all of my toast-eating experiences with. We've been talking a lot but not enough. We might have gotten some things wrong. I want to talk more about eating toast but I barely say anything before the words get locked up again. The most I've talked to about toast is my partner who accepted me even if I eat too much toast. I love her more than I love toast, surely. Sometimes I finish eating all the toast. But there's always more toast. The eternal toast train never ends. I know of one way to stop eating toast but it's not a pretty way. It's tempting but I would be sad because others will start eating toast too. I don't expect to be forgiven for all of the problems I've caused because of the toast I keep eating. I don't even expect that the toast will go away soon. The toast keeps me up at night already. It's already 1:02 AM as I write this. I can't fucking sleep. I've been eating toast for the past 7 hours, and for the past month, perhaps. I wish I could just stop eating toast. Just stop. Stop. That's all I ask.
I’m going back to sleep now.
